I tend to be this way about a lot of things in my life. I have really high expectations for myself... too often when things don't go as I'd hoped or planned I let those fallen expectations get me down. Or I become anxious in trying to fulfill them.
One of my goals for this year was to spend more time reading scripture. Last year my husband and I started a bible study together and we did fairly well for a while. But then life got a little busy and our nightly readings became less frequent until we stopped altogether. This year when thinking about how I should approach this desire (and need) of mine I realized that I needed something that had structure built into how it worked (if you haven't figured out yet, I like order and structure in my life). But I also knew that I wouldn't have a lot of time to devote to reading large passages of the bible. I needed something that would be manageable. I mentioned a couple of months ago that I subscribed to Magnificat and I have to say that I have fallen in love with this little prayer book, of sorts. Not entirely sure what to call it. I like that I can read as much or as little as I want to for that day. I like that it has the daily mass readings. I love all of the meditations, the reflections and the information about the saints. More than once it has happened that the readings or the Psalms have had direct relevance to what is going on in my life at that time. And I often carry those words with me throughout the day help me to find my strength.
On Monday these words in particular spoke to me:
By waiting and by calm you shall be saved, in quiet and in trust your strength lies. Is 30:15
And the reflection afterward:
God in his power is refuge and strength; God in his mercy is the river that refreshes the soul; God in his beauty stills all our useless struggles and gathers us into his peace.
Gathers us into his peace. Yes, just what I needed to hear that day.
So, with that I am going to let go of any sort of expectations of what this blog should be. I hope that what I share here will be authentic. And part of that authenticity is that life is busy and chaotic sometimes, the way it often is when you have small children to care after. Until next time be still and know the Lord; in peace...